‘Home all day’

Image result for home all day meme

I get it now!!!!

You know when thousands of partners who get up, get dressed, leave the house, go to work and then come home and say the most irritating words known to stay at home parents (I’m not sexist) everywhere…

‘Wow, what happened in here?’

‘Yes, I’ve had a great day thanks darling…oh what is that you are talking about in a passive aggressive way…the mess??? That would be your temperamental, highly strung, strong willed toddler with the attention span of a small puppy.’

‘Alright, calm down, what are we having dinner?’

‘God knows, I didn’t manage to go to the shops’ aka I wanted to avoid going into a shop and being the parent of the insane small person having an extreme meltdown over a packet of Skips.

‘Babe, I’m going to have to go back out, you’ve been home all day.’

Now before, this would always really annoy me as actually I haven’t been home ‘all day’. I try and give our child structure and fresh air and an ‘activity’ which involves bonding time for myself and my daughter: To develop her fragile little mind. Plus, getting her dressed and out of the house is more of a challenge than………..erm………….let’s just say it really really hard. So FU I haven’t been home all day. I’m not the nanny, the cleaner, the chef, the ‘stock replenisher’ and the fat controller! ha ha that isn’t PC anymore is it!

*And relax*

However, recently, whilst being off work and no nursery school, I haven’t had a lot of plans, I wake up and think ‘oh, bugger, no structure to the day – let’s just wing it at home’. Which means we just end up milling about the house. Because of this, you actually get stuff done!!!!


Dan has come home to a clean and tidy house each day. I feel organised. Productive. I’m winning the war on domestic mess. Boom. Meanwhile Freya’s brain rots as she plays with play-doh for the 4th day in a row.


Thugs just need their mums

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From my last post, a lot of stuff has ‘gone down’.

I no longer work part-time. I am now, how you say, a full time mum until I come up with an excellent plan to have it all. The career, amazing parent skills, the body – you know it all!!

Enough about me, this is a blog my growing girl/monster. So first off – we’ve bought a new house! It’s awesome. It’s bigger. It’s in the country. It has a garden.

Rewind to 1 month ago where we are in the midst of buying a house. It’s bloody stressful. I’ll just briefly go over the conversation I had with the child psychologist on the phone so that you get where I’m at…

Child psychologist: How can I help?

Me: Well, my child has become particularly scrappy at nursery (what I mean here is completely bat shit crazy – she’s a feral beast that needs solitary confinement) and her nana was called in to sign a form about an ‘incident’ the other day. (The incident being that she nearly gauged some girl’s eye out).

Child psychologist: How old is she?

Me: She’s two and two months. I know this behaviour is very common for her age, however this scrappiness has gone on for a while now and it’s with family members too. Sometimes quite vicious. *continue rambling* she hits if you get in her personal space and sometimes there is this look in her eye that is quite scary like she is intent on hurting. I’m worried that she might have a particularly aggressive nature?

Child psychologist: Is there anything going on at home at the moment if you don’t mind me asking?

Me: Erm well yes, we are in the process of buying a house and tensions are probably quite high at home.

Child psychologist: She is probably picking up on all the tension at home. If you are really concerned keep a diary of all the incidences and in 3 months come back to me if it hasn’t gone away.

Now at the time – I was thinking yeah ok, it does sound classic textbook psychology, but I felt sure that Freya was becoming an angry disturbed little human being and my concerns were being dismissed.

Rewind to 1 month in the new house with happy parents and a mum that is more hands on and pwoof! – the scrappy behaviour has gone. Now, we are all about the cuddles and kisses! Is this coincident? Does it have an affect on her me being home? Does she benefit more from a mum at home?

Which then creates the question which I’m sure most women in the UK ask themselves. Is it better for my child to be a stay at home mum or work?





I’m in trouble.


So, I think my two year old is smarter than me. Not like she outwits me because all kids outwit their parents. True fact.

To clarify, I think she is smarter than I ever was. On what basis I hear you say?

Well it’s not exactly what she knows at 2 years old (e.g counting to 20 and can spell her own name) as I’ve google this s*** and there are some other freaky Mensa toddlers roaming the UK so it’s just normal –  it’s more the speed she just ‘gets’ things.

I swear to you now, I never taught her how to hold a pencil and when I first saw her writing and colouring she looks like a 90 year old woman who has done it a thousand times over. I know that I’m not persuading you and that’s a poor example but I say to Dan ‘I think she’s reincarnated, she just knows too much for it to be new’. Obvs I am met with the usually scoffs from Dan about a notion as flowery as ‘reincarnation’.

I know most mums are prone to bragging, but this is more alarming. When she goes to school there will be no stopping her. In years to come she’ll look down on me as the endearingly dizzy (but foolish) mother. She’ll go to her dad for her homework (maths thank god!) and then there will be that moment when now she sees me as her main source of knowledge for this big bad world we live in, and then one day she will stop asking me questions.

That ‘ask mummy’ bubble will pop.

And so with new vigor I will respond with enthusiasm for every small fry question I can answer.

‘Mummy, what noise does a giraffe make?’






You’re 2!


You love:

the Gruffalo. I have watched it about 40 times.
your baby ballet (it is really cute) especially bending your knees.
your trampoline and jumping on the bed in general.
talking – you could talk for England – you give me a running commentary of what is going on.
Food – pretty much anything – pasta in particular.
Swimming – nana takes you and you love it.
Hiding – it’s your favourite game.
Hop hop little bunnies is still your favourite song
Watching these weird videos on youtube called un-boxing (it’s odd but strangely addictive)
Your Auntie Char – she is your number 1 favourite no one else gets a look in.

You hate:


Not fussed about:


Now sleeping is in the bag…..potty training is next on the agenda!!! Aahhh!

Stop press!

Now, I don’t want to jinx it, but our little girl (2) is sleeping solidly in her own room in her own bed without any intervention.

WAHOOO!!!! 2 years later, we lead a normal healthy life.

Now, we’re only on week 3 but things are most definitely improving — let me tell you why: –

*No falling asleep on the bottle

*Falling asleep in her own room

*Falling asleep without any cuddling, rocking, soothing,

*No dummy

*No music – see ya later ewan!!!


How you say? The gradual retreat. Next to her bed – top of the stairs – bottom of the stairs – the lounge – nothing.

Now, I read an article that got my back up, this sleep trainer was being all snooty (great word I should use that more) and was like ‘it’s not the child you need to sleep train, it’s the parents’ and I hate to say it but it was. Dan and I had to change to make Freya change. We are ‘reactive’ parents, which means that we don’t ignore our child when she makes noise, we tend to her every need and in doing so we have made our lives harder.

After reaching breaking point bad ass me came out — q: shaft music.

Now, I know the above phrase sounds brutal to those who are big softies and I hear ya, I come from a long line of big softies. Geez if Freya cried for a millisecond my dad is on.my.case.

I now see that after fulfilling her every need i.e comforting her when she cried we were doing her wrong. We weren’t giving her the opportunity to let her choose sleep. By being there to rely on us she knew no other way.

We literally pulled the rug from underneath her but it was worth it. It worked.

Parents who are miserable, sad, exhausted, arguing with your partners, cranky, crabby, anxious and at an all-time low, my advice is to get mean. Not horrible mean, but focused on the plan of attack mean. Don’t do it if you aren’t ready, but you’ll reach a point when you say the words ‘something has to be done’ ‘I can’t go on like this’ with a trolley load of conviction and then write down a plan and follow it through.



Freya met the fat man!

She cried.

And actually that’s prob not PC and also he actually wasn’t that fat. Not enough mince pies stuffed in his face yet clearly!!! I on the other hand had one in October. Mr Cringle do keep up.

I have to say Christmas ‘stuff’ is a whole new level of information for a small person.
Elf on the shelf (creepy…real creepy)
Christmas carols
A grotto!
Mince pies
A Christmas tree with lights
Small breakable decorations
Chocolate coins
Elf hunt in the neighbourhood
Visiting Santa
Writing a letter to Santa
His reindeers – all of their names?!
Mulled wine…oh wait no that’s just for me!

A non-chocolate advent calendar so that she get’s a ‘gift’ instead — (it’s the 10th, she is yet to receive a present as I have ran out of paper!)

An advent candle (I’m supposed to light until the line denotes one day has past – who does that?)

As so the story goes…

‘Santa is coming on a sleigh – led by reindeers and then he’ll come down our chimney! He’ll eat all of the food that we leave out on a plate and leave presents just for you. Only if you’re a good girl.’


I can see she’s thinking what the hell are you talking about?!?!? I find myself thinking the same thing.

Yet here we are.

2 years old and she wants to ask Santa for a trampoline. 🙂

I think he can manage that.

Merry Christmas everyone. Signing off for 2015.  Xxx

To Mand, Love Mand x

A letter I wish I could send myself 2 year’s ago…

You’ll have a girl.
She won’t sleep alone.
She’ll be a light sleeper.
She’ll sleep in your bed.
You will be judged for it. A lot.
You will come to love it.
Other mother’s will be smug.
You’ll be exhausted.
Your daughter will love her milk and food.
People will judge you for it.
She will test you every day and some days you’ll let her win for an easy life.
Your neighbour’s mum will tell you where you are going wrong.
People who don’t have children will tell you where you are going wrong.
She will make you smile every single day (even the days she is being the spawn of the devil.)
Your parents will judge you.
Don’t go to a baby café alone – it can be strangely isolating.
You’ll be great.
You’ll cry. Bat s*** crazy tears.
Google will tell you sleep is essential for your health, your beauty, her health and her development.
She will be the most advanced verbally in her peer group.
Don’t google so much.
You will wonder where she gets her boisterous nature from.
She won’t change even if you ‘train’ her to.
You will try controlled crying twice until it nearly breaks you.
You will hate Dan for minutes, days, sometimes a whole week.
You will love him in buckets loads when he has your back in public.
You will love him on a whole new level for loving your daughter.
You won’t remember anything.
You’ll lose items. Weekly.
You will ask yourself what noise a giraffe makes?
You will get asked if you’ll have another one? A lot.
You’ll want to punch someone in the face.
You’ll worry. Like never before.
You’ll watch her sleep.
You’ll watch videos of her when she isn’t there.
When she is there you will want some peace and quiet.
You’ll forget how to get dressed up and apply make-up.
You’ll age about 10 years.
It’s worth it. You are incredibly blessed.
Keep going. You’re doing great.

Stop questioning yourself as a parent, stop googling and put down your iphone!

Love Mand x