Q: Mission impossible music. Dan Dan Dan Dan dun dun Dan Dan Dan

Mummy goes undercover to reveal high-street restaurants approach to kid’s food. 

Ok, so here it is…review as promised! And yes, I could have come up with a better title.

Firstly: the décor of Giraffe is very cool and due to the Brazilian beats pumping out the speakers there was a healthy atmosphere that my little one danced her little tushy off to. That’s the positives out the way.


We arrived at the Giraffe branch in Bath on a busy Friday lunchtime. I had booked a 1.30pm table. I arrive at 1pm – this seemed to put them out massively (waitress looked v.annoyed and stressed – it was very busy!)

I know, I know I need to get to the point: The Food.

  • Let’s cover the basics:
    Highchair – yes, it was already set up on the table – (usually you can’t carry your toddler and carry a highchair so that is helpful.)
    Baby changing – yes
    Breastfeeding signs – no
    Water on arrival – no but you can have if you want
    Baby cutlery – no
    Where was the meat sourced – ‘Some company somewhere in Devon’ (lol)
    No imagery on the menu
    Can you order kids sizes of the adult options – ‘erm, not really’
    Can you order different portion sizes of the kids menu – ‘no it just comes in the one portion size’
    Are activities provided – yes I had to ask

On the activity sheet can you guess what Freya had to colour in? That’s right. Giraffes. Giraffes in space.

‘Yes sweetheart, that Giraffe does have a hat on. A space hat.’

I order Frey the ‘twist and jive pasta’ and to my erm….shock….horror….surprise…disappointment (chose any of the above) the pasta comes on a circular china white plate with a heavy circular china white bowl placed in the middle. How smart looking. I must ask the CEO of Giraffe if: –

A: They have met a toddler before?
B: What toddler they know with the strength and dexterity to hold a heavy china bowl in one hand?
C: Do they deal with a lot of smashes on a monthly basis?
D: Are they mad?

The ‘twist and jive’ pasta, was not that ‘jivey’, it lacked a bit of….va va voom. It was large pieces of spiral pasta with tomato sauce. In fact, sauce is the wrong word. Tomato ‘coating’. The problem, and now I’m no chef, was that the “sauce” was too runny. As I was attempting to decant the pasta into a small plastic cup (yep tried that option and failed) I found that the majority of the sauce was skulking around the bottom of the bowl.

Conclusion one: No plastic bowl.
Conclusion two: Not very yummy sauce.

Cutlery??? See image below: ‘sorry we only have take-away ones’. That don’t match???? Did you find them in the bottom of your handbag????


Why isn’t baby cutlery provided? Once the little one was in the rhythm of shovelling the grub in her mouth we had a few issues on the size of the pasta. We are one and a half years old people, we haven’t learnt that chewing for longer is better for you. She’s just learnt to scoop the food, balance the food and find the hole that is her mouth and even then we can struggle. So, we’re swallowing pasta whole, we choke, it comes up, we chew some more, it goes down. That happened twice before I then cut it all up.

Conclusion three: The pasta swirls are too big for her age.

It says it comes with ‘melting cheese’ – erm that is nowhere in sight? I can only see reddish pasta, which then makes me think where are the vegetables? Where is the green stuff that we all try so hard to give our growing kids? A courgette? A mushroom? Anything??!!!

I’m angered. Mainly as I now think why don’t restaurants cater for kids? Why don’t you put some thought into kid’s food? Why don’t you make my life easier? *Curse giraffe under my breathe* I’m frustrated because it’s basic stuff  –


COME ON! It’s 2015. Sort it out.


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