So – if you are a mummy, know friends that are a mummy or just have an account on facebook – this article is making the rounds…
It covers all the hellish traits of having kids that turn your adult world upside down; written with a zealous amount of ironic humour, bleak truth and polished off with a sprinkling of absurdity.
Test 11: Mess
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor and proceed with step 5.
5. Drag randomly items from one room to another room and leave them there.
I enjoy my adult life and I like my grey charcoal couch paid for on finance.
‘The baby must work around us and not the other way around.’ Here I envisage lavish dinner parties, with someone bringing the latest Jamie O recipe, fine wine, music playing in the background and a gentle buzz of laughter and witty repertoires. Our little one in a moses basket in the background sleeping soundly, soothed by the happy fuzz of noise. She stirs a little, makes a slight unhappy noise, the merry gang of people pause their conversations, then she falls quietly back to sleep.
Ha! *Nervous laughter*
She will rule.