Call back when you know.

Week 5 I think.

I say think as I’ll be honest I have no idea when my last period was at all. I was signed off with stress from work (excellent!) and to be honest everything turns into a bit of a blur in June. This didn’t go down very well with the midwife and I just got ‘Can you call back when you know’.  Great.

On June 25th – I wee’d on a stick with my new kitten, Pepper (who I’m allergic to) as my audience. Nice. I dually waited, for 3 loooooooooooong minutes afraid to look at the stick but I already knew the answer (and weirdly enough hoped) that it would read ‘pregnant’. It did but the shocking bit was 3+. It’s my first. This is madness and this is what I’m going through…

First Symptoms: Sore breast – the girls were ridiculously tender and I almost though they were going to explode when my friend hugged me goodbye on a recent trip to London and my eyes wept slightly. I pretty much couldn’t hold my book on the coach journey back and felt sick at the stifling heat that merged all the body smells of a European student group together.  It all makes sense now. Feeling sick but at crazy times of the day / bit faint and the worse of the worse: exhaustion. Been in bed every night this week at 8.30pm which I could have sworn to a nun was at least 12am the way I felt. Couple of times this week I’ve been sat on the floor of the toilet at work for sweet, blissful minutes where I can close my eyes without judgement.

Cravings: Pineapple juice and potatoes (salty goodness) – with the food / drink I feel slightly like a child again as someone will suggest something (like bangers and mash) and I really want it and it massively hits the spot. Tonight – spaghetti yes please!!!

Emotionally: Go through waves of ‘Am I ready to be a parent – I can’t even put a decent outfit together at the moment’ to ‘my little dot inside me I’m gonna take care of you so well’ to ‘OH MY GOD I DRANK AND SMOKED for the first 4 weeks my baby will have problems.’

I’m writing this blog as cathartic release and emotional stability and also to shout out to anyone who can relate and for any advice – I’ll take it all – I’m an information whore right now.

It’s new and it’s pretty scary and I think this is how I will feel till it’s born.

Over and out,

Me and dot.

 

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