Now, this title refers to CC or CIO method which can release ‘Toxic Stress’ in the baby’s brain.

Let me explain my acronyms to those of you who still have your sanity.

*Controlled Crying / *Crying it out — A method devised by Dr.Ferber (also referred to as Fiberising), where the baby is left to cry in order to learn how to self soothe without the assistance of a carer or sleeping aid i.e dummy.

I am tired people. Grumpy. Short of patience. Snarly. Unimpressed. Flat. Frustrated. Anxious. Did I say tired? Oh and also I’m completely LOSING MY MIND. My daughter (whose face lights up my whole entire world) is a bad sleeper. To those mums who are reading this who have excellent sleepers….don’t pity me. I don’t want your pity.

Freya is now 8 months old and relies on grub to get her off to sleep, a bad habit I fear I have installed and so now it is time for reprogramming. Tough love reprogramming.

Had you asked me 6 months ago if I would do controlled crying I would have thought it barbaric! Leave your child to cry? It’s practically a crime against nature. When I was young and naïve (2 months ago) I thought that all my baby needed for a good night’s sleep was cuddles and love and a sheep shaped soft toy called ‘Ewan’ that plays white noise;  I was wrong.

I write this blog today, (excuse the gap I have been A: Loving my child B: Missing my sleep C: Loving my child) as a desperate woman, one who is going to war tonight with her instincts. For the greater good. For Sanity.

Wish me luck. x

Let me just make a phone call…

Seeing as I had time on my hands I thought I would go to the doctors. I wanted to make sure my body was up to scratch for ‘the big day’.

Much like a car, since becoming pregnant something breaks down in the engine regularly, it fixes itself and then something else goes wrong. I will look forward to getting my old motor back. The one that runs well.

So as I was having my mini MOT – the doc noticed that my blood pressure was high (not surprising stress levels were rising by this point) and my sample was showing signs of preeclampsia. What is this you say?

So the doctor just made a quick call to the hospital. She spoke to one nurse. And another and then finally another.

‘Amanda I’m going to have to ask you to go to the hospital. Just for a check up.’

Ok. This is what happens next and I can assure you it happened this fast.

I went to the hospital.

Checked for preeclampsia.

I don’t have preeclampsia but though whilst I was there I would show her a picture of something similar to that of my show I didn’t know what it was.

Could be my waters rupturing.

I have a scan.

My waters have ruptured.

I’m strapped up to a machine.

Nothing happens.

I read a book.

I’m booked in to be induced the next day.

THIS IS IT I’m HAVING MY BABY. The day is Wednesday. I’m getting induced on Thursday.


Up periscope

So I have surfaced…just…vomit stained, happy and weary. My little girl is here and she certainly has her mummy and daddy in a spin.

We are approaching week 7 and my my what a rollercoaster these past few weeks have brought.

I know what you all want to know…the burning question that is on all my friend’s lips…?

‘How was the birth??’ ‘Is it really as bad as they say?’

First of all I will pick up where I left off.

My last blog explained that ‘my show’ had come and I can tell you what happened after that…

NOTHING. Big fat NOTHING. This was not a highlight of pregnancy. I had told all the family and friends it’s happening soon, cancel all engagements, pack the hospital bag and let’s get everything ready for the babies arrival. She’s coming.

2 WHOLE WEEKS – waiting – like a watched pot that doesn’t boil – a pregnant women waiting for her waters to break.

Fear of going to Asda and going into labour. Fear of being so far away from the hospital that I’d have it in someone’s bathroom. Anxiety isn’t the word. Not to mention the turmoil of ‘will I cope?’ ‘how will I know?’ ‘what do contractions feel like?’ ‘how painful is it?’.

Turns out it didn’t come naturally…

“Don’t go climbing Ben Nevis”

So…it has been all going on over the past few days…first signs, change of heart on where to have her, nesting instinct, total lack of sleep and house arrest.

We had our second antenatal class on Thursday of last week and from that day onwards it’s been mentally overwhelming.

Before, my days existed of what I like to call baby-land prep…’best changing bag’…’nursery colours’…reviews on Amazon on the best monitors (ooo Angelcare or TOMY digital etc), which formula to use if she doesn’t take my milk? ~ bidding for a baby bundle on ebay for £10 – oh how I wish I could go back to that. Safe zone.

On Friday morning, I had what they very politely call ‘my show’. I won’t go into detail as it will just be TMI – but it was one of those moments in life where everything changed. Is this really it? I took a picture (I know gross) and took to my midwife’s appointment that day.

I was being tested for gestational diabetes as from 2 weeks ago – I go to the toilet about 10-12 times a day, drink about 3 pints of water (unheard of) and have spots in front of my eyes and waves of exhaustion. All signs that it could be gestational diabetes.

So as I’m talking this through with the midwife…when is the right time to ask her for confirmation of my pic?!?

Midwife: When did you last have the spots?

Me: Erm only once on Weds when I stood up too fast.

Midwife: And have you had any pains?

Me: Well yes I had some period cramps at the antenatal class yesterday at the front and back…but…erm..actually more pressing than that I think ‘my show’ has come.

Midwife and junior midwife exchange an excited look!!!

Midwife: Ok what did it look like?

Me: Well…I actually have a photo but I know that is just miniging to show you.

Midwife: Believe you me, we have seen worse than ‘minging’ in our time.

As I get the photo up and show them, they both express genuine giddy excitement.

Midwife: Yes it is, well done for spotting as a lot of women miss this, it is a sign that everything is moving in the right direction.

Me: So labour could be round the corner??????

Midwife: It is a sign of pre-labour but it could be hours, days or weeks. What I will say is though don’t go anywhere too far…don’t go climbing Ben Nevis.

From that moment on….mentally it has all changed….it’s all very serious and real.

I’m going to go into labour and deliver this baby.

The question is……when?

36 weeks and 2 days. 

Who doesn’t love tea and cake???

36 weeks.

So…I’ve finished work and the feeling was ‘odd’. It didn’t feel quite real apart from the embarrassing gathering around my desk for a card and present giving – which was very sweet and thoughtful of everyone involved. It now means that the next stage is coming…the scary unfamiliar phase of counting down till d-day. #31 days in counting.  

I’ve worked since I was 16 (Saturday job at Clarks – my little girl will always have decent shoes!) and there was that blip in Sydney when I couldn’t get work when travelling but apart from that I’ve always ‘gone to work’. Will I be bored? So far, not so much as expected…I’ve got antenatal appointments, midwife appointments, a couple of mummy friends who I am meeting for lunch or tea and cake to show this mum-to-be what it’s all about AND full blown baby organisation (that’s been 

Let’s see how we get on… 

Will I go crazy being in the house a lot?

Will I miss adult banter in the office?

Will I absolutely love it and pledge a lifetime of being a stay at home mum?

What else has been going on over the past couple of weeks: -

Gestational diabetes check / Antenatal Classes / Lists Lists Lists / Nursery decoration (eek) / Mother-in-law superstitions. 

There’s only one Braxton I want to know about…

…and her name is Toni. I listened to the album ‘Secrets’ on repeat when I was young.

33 weeks.

It is New Year’s Eve and I thought I would go out for a couple of early drinks and come back to see the New Year in with Dan. The bump is getting heavy to carry around and i’m averaging out at 2 baths a day. Why? Cos’ it feels good and it’s the Christmas holidays so I can!

However, it’s about 4ish, Dan is happily playing music and painting the nursery (went with Natural Hessian – there will be enough pink to sink Barbie’s ship!) and there is an ache in my stomach. Hmmn?

It feels like acid heartburn at the top of the bump. Google…

History: -

Braxton Hicks contractions are named after the English doctor who first described them. In 1872, John Braxton Hicks investigated the later stages of pregnancy and noted that many women felt contractions without being near birth.[2] This process was usually painless but caused women confusion as to whether or not they were going into actual labour.

Now, I know what you are thinking it’s nothing. It can’t be this. Calm down it’s just a pain. But then, I read other mum’s inserts and the description was similar. My stomach at the top of the bump went all hard and then there was a very slight uncomfortable tightening down below. Practice contractions but ever so slightly and nothing compared to the real thing I’m sure.

However…it gave me a glimmer of D-day…I saw how the real thing might play out…visions of going to the hospital – the bag isn’t 100% packed. Dan doesn’t know my birth plan (do I even know my birth plan?!) Dan’s mum has the moses basket as it is superstitious to have in our house (when will we get this?!) I haven’t bought the job lot nappies yet.

They soon disappeared but it was a wake up call – you can never be organised enough for little one.

Get cracking.

*Thanks to Wikipedia for Braxton Hicks.  




Pram Hell

So you might remember that I went to a Baby Show a few months back with mum. 1 hour around the show we totally got sucked in. The demo man made one pram in particular (Mee-go pramette – new to market) do this and that.

You press this button and pop – ooohhh

You pull this leaver and whizz….ahhhhh

You clip this here and it transforms to this – wow!

We’ll take it.

It has since been delivered to mums (bad luck to have at our house) and after me, dad and mum (yes 3 adults) attempted to build it, for the life of us couldn’t work it. For a start I can’t even remove the carrycot from the chassis without growing an extra arm. Not possible.

The carrycot itself is way too shallow, the hood doesn’t want to click to the frame and the fact that you merely push the bottom in and it becomes a toddler seat doesn’t instil me with confidence. The chassis on the other hand still remains the easiest one to dismantle, pop back up and the lightest.

It is safe to say, after returning it (credit note – boo) and through fear of wasting my mum’s hard earned cash I have become (a raving lunatic) knowledgeable in the area of prams.

In fact a woman obsessed is more to the point, I perv on prams as they stroll past, my eyes hunting for the make like I’m taking some sort of mental tally, I watch you tube demonstrations at night, reviews have become light reading, I go in shops and insist I work everything, up, down, twist and round without demos.

I can tell you that in December 2013 – the top prams that people (word of mouth, shop assistants, website best sellers, reviews) love are: -

1. iCandy Strawberry

2. Bugaboo – Cameleon

3. Quinny – Buzz

4. Oyster

5. UPPAbaby Vista

6. Mamas and papas Sola

7. Mothercare Orb

I have tried and tested all but 5+6 – the others have been ruled out.

Wishlist: -

Four wheels / Easy to remove carrycot (smooth transition) / Easy to find the buttons to remove the carrycot / pushchair / car seat / Easy to dismantle and pop back up / Doesn’t do my back in to lift it and fits in little car / Decent basket / Has a decent pushchair seat so I don’t end up getting another pushchair when it’s no longer a little baba / Dan is happy with it as well for Daddy time.

Buying a car and a house was easier! Hands down. At this rate – little bubba will be house bound.